My Childhood Ambitions

Weight/Family

I am about to graduate in four months, if I am lucky with my thesis. Hopefully by July all the school weights will be lifted from my shoulder, or shoulders in this case, because I have been carrying this with my both hands, even with all my body, and my parents’ body, and my grandparents’ body, and my aunt’s body.

Question/Clue

In this kind of situations, it is so typical that people will be asking this one question. This question is like a key question or a mandatory questions for people like me. Sometimes people do mean to ask you this and the answer would definitely be interesting for them. There are also some who ask this question in a social context. But I still do appreciate both, and I always answer this question with all my heart. Although what I mean by ‘with all my heart’ is actually ‘I don’t know yet’ or merely a ‘Let’s see!’. I think those just describe enough my real situation now.

They ask me about my plan, ‘so, what are you doing next? Are you staying in Holland or going back?’. I sometimes don’t know why these two questions sound so complicated. One of course is because I really have no idea about the future, which makes me not able to really answer it. Second of all, the one that I am afraid of, I might actually not know what I really want to do. That is I think why.

Perception/Different.

Probably millions of people out there know already what they actually want to do, or at least have dreams about it already. Me, is the opposite. I am definitely not talking about me being so absurd not knowing what I want to do. I am also not talking about me doing nothing after I graduate. I am also definitely not talking about taking master’s degree, because I have no money or no rich person or company that would like to pay my study, besides I am also not that much of a genius person. So that is not an option.

What I meant by the opposite way is about me giving shot to every possible direction. About me letting myself to be taken by every opportunity coming. It is also about me learning everything out there, not filtering the world yet, until I really know what I really want. Until I really know my real capabilities. Until I know which field I should be in to be a rich person. Well, to be quiet frank, by the end of the day, it is all about the money, and then of course about self-satisfaction.

Ambition/Dream.

As a child I did have some ambitions. I could even say that those are still in my head now. I still remember, there are two wishes. For your information, I actually wrote those down for my scholarship submission paper about four years ago. One, I want to be a good housewife. Second, I want to own an orphanage. I don’t know how on earth I could make it on that scholarship program with those two dreams, but I did make it. And I too don’t know, how am I studying here in Holland, with those two dreams are kept in my mind.

Dream/Challenge.

My next question for myself would be, how could I reach my childhood dream, plus all the dreams that I have been collecting along the way. They include Audi A3, apartment without garden, dark brown leather coat, feminine appearance which I found a bit cliché sometime ago, be the breadwinner of the family, be a successful working wife, be a daughter of a happy family, be a mother without giving birth, make people around me happy, be happy. I am not finished here with my list. But they are just too much to mention. But from here you know that I only want to be just like other people’s wish, be happy.

Next step/Future

So I am here now, four months before my graduation, with my plan of giving shot to every opportunity coming. As usual, as I always say..

‘Make the most out of Everything’.

So, by the end of my day I would not be disappointed for not trying. I might look like a generalist. Yet, instead I would say that I am a learner.

Goal/End

Happy.