Rode Zee

Rode Zee

Acrylic on canvas

Shit!

When you are trapped in a shitty life, all you can do is saying
Shit!
Shit!
Shit!
without having any power of walking away.

Same old scenario

I hate your mother because the way she tells what she does not like. I also hate your mother because the way she behaves toward my family. I also hate your mother for not admitting me as the breadwinner of the family, that I am the suppose to be the respected one. I also hate your mother because she is so careless. I also hate your mother because she would not ever care about me and family, for every little detail. I hate your mother because she always makes trouble for me. I hate your mother because she always hides everything from me. I hate your mother because she is insensitive. I hate your mother because she always sleeps all the time, even when it is unnecessary and when we have guest in our house. I hate your mother because I am stuck with her, because I married her, 21 years ago.

Yes I know, I have been told. Yes I know, I have been told yesterday. Yes I know, I have been told last week. Yes I know, I have been told last month. Yes I know, I remember, it is the same story that I heard last year, or was it 2 years ago, or probably 5 years ago. Yes I must know, It must be the same old scenario as I have been told a very long time ago.

I hate your father because he is so lazy. I hate your father because he never tries to understand me. I hate your father because he does not want to move forward, or it seems so at least. I hate your father, I actually hate as well your father's family. I hate your father because he is full of judgement. I hate your father because he made me not able to have all my dreams. I hate your father because he always us to respect him. I hate your father because he is so boring. I hate your father because every morning all I see is him sitting in the living room, looks like thinking something serious, while basically doing nothing. I hate your father because I am stuck with him because I married him, 21 years ago.

Yes I know, I have been told. Yes I know, I have been told yesterday. Yes I know, I have been told last week. Yes I know, I have been told last month. Yes I know, I remember, it is the same story that I heard last year, or was it 2 years ago, or probably5 years ago. Yes I must know, It must be the same old scenario as I have been told a very long time ago.

1st day at work

daily update:

06.40 : the ring of my alarm shocked me.
06.58 : managed to get up. slowly and lazily washed prepared my self for the day.
07.20 : got out from flat. walked to the station
07.40 : bought ticket to amersfoort
07.45 : choosing bread in Albert Heijn to go (the name of supermarket chain in the station) as my breakfast. I chose eirenkoeken (egg cookies)
07.54 : waiting at platform 7 for the train. but didnt come. it was delayed for 10 minutes (happened to be the first bad luck today)
08.05 : started to be worry since had to be at the office at 09.00. still there was a chance thou.
08.10 : started cursing cause the train was delayed for another 5 minutes. met 2 indonesian friends going to amsterdam.
08.15 : the train finally came. feeling like running.
08.30 : sitting on the train and talking with my friends pretending not freaking out.
08.35 : cursing once again, harder. the train was changed into stoptrein which made it run slower, much more slower. desperate.
08.50 : running to platform 12 to catch the train connection. didnt make it. cursing again. there should be another train in 2 minutes. BUT DELAYED AGAIN! FOR GOD'S SAKE WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON I THOUGHT! sorry for the font, uncontrollable.
09.00 : tried to call the company informing my late. wasnt connected. damn good start.
09.01 : the train came. finally finally finally here we go.
09.10 : couldnt get any desperate than these minutes on the train sitting next to old woman explaining how to cook cookies to someone on the phone.
09.18 : AMERSFOORT CENTRAL STATION. got out the train. ran crazily.
09.20 : thanking god cause the office is right in front of the station.
09.22 : saying hi to the receptionist and asking for my supervisor name and she said "momentje hoor". phew!
09.23 : MINUTES OF SILENCE
09.25 : MinUteS oF SileNCe
09.28 : minuTes of SileNce
09.30 : minutes of silence
09.35 : "Morning!" Smiling and Hand shaking and being brought to the department room and met with colleagues.
There are 4 islands of desks in my department
- on my island ill be working with a maroccan girl Samira (on monday and tuesday), David whom i havent met (wednesday, thursday,friday)
- on the island of the head of departments; Italian guy Sandro, French woman Cecile, 2 Dutch guys Niek and Ronald
- on the island next to my island, greek guy whom i forgot the name and a dutch guy whom i also forgot. sorry
- on the furthest island, 2 ducth guys who talk loudly all day and laugh a lot too whom i also forgot their names. another sorry.
09.?? : Being introduced with the every people on the building, going to every department and met people whom of course i couldnt remember at all.
09.?? : Going to HR department and was given a very thick bundle of papers about company thingies and should be read immediatealy.
09.?? : Reading and found that the company dresscode for monday to thursday is business attire, and smart casual for friday. ah well.
10.?? : got presentation about the company and many things about the system and details. looks complicated.
11.?? : Samira showed me how to work on the system. She introduced me 3 different systems today.
12.30 : Lunch Break. Walking to the city centre with Samira. Talking about loads of things.
13.30 : Back.
14.?? : Paying attention on what Samira's doing.
15.?? : Still the same interupted with going to coffee machine, short conversation over small things, and toilet.
16.?? : Samira asked me to do what she showed me the whole day. and I got confused and stucked for a while. For every system I always asked "How should I start it again?!"
17.?? : Still doing the same. started getting the idea. a little. Samira asked me for another cup of drink, then we went again to the coffee machine.
17.20 : Last checking and tidying our desks.
17.30 : Leaving the offices.
17.40 : Going to ticket service asking about monthly abonement card
17.55 : Catched the train to utrecht
18.10 : Stopped in Utrecht to change to the other trein. The trein would be at 18.23, so i bought durum doner. Lekker.
18.23 : Catched the train to arnhem
18.50 : Arrived in Arnhem. Tired.
19.00 : Walking home. Should have taken my laundry, gone to my friend's house to do laundry there, and had chinese course. But they were all canceled for tomorrow. My teacher is having exam tomorrow.
19.15 : Home
19.30 : Telling the story about today to kardus.
20.00 : Interneting.
22.00 : Taking shower.
23.00 : South Park watching.
23.30 : About to sleep and thinking of you

those will be wrapped up as my day!

Good bye student life : For a while

Today, 14-01-2007, is a remarkable day of my life. I will be having another occupation other than student and part-time dancer for the first time, an intern. I have no idea at all of how would it be and that makes me shaky and nervous. On the other hand, I am so excited with my internship. I will meet new people, new challenges, new things which should be interesting for me. But I also see myself sitting in front of the computer, crazily bored, with red sleepy eyes..ehehehe.

My family is even more excited. They keep asking about all the details again and again. How far the city from Arnhem, what am I gonna wear, how long the break would be everday. Ah well, I can understand that being parents would be always a hard task yet exciting.

Although this weekend is the last weekend, I did not do something special today. My day was rather useless. I woke up late, slept late, wasting my day mostly in front of computer. Well, I did also something good, report making.

Talking about working life, I am so not patient to see myself free from life of student. Thou some people would do everything to swap their working life with my student life in this quite city, my boyfriend for instance. hehehe. 1,5 years to go!! and that would not be so bad.

What is special about today too is that a very good friend of mine married today. It is a shame for me because I did not manage to call her, since I really have no idea which number is active, she must have another new number (this is what I hate about Indonesian people having so many numbers, cause buying new number with credit in it is cheaper than buying the voucher). I sincerely wish her a very happy marriage, that last for eternity. I am happy for you.


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The rest of my student life would be like this:

Jan 2007-June 2007 Internship

July 2007-Aug 2007 Summer Internship

Sept 2007-Dec 2007 Back to student life

Jan 2008-June 2008 Graduation Assignment

Sept 2008 Deadline of being student

Oct 2008 FREE!!!!!!

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Now, Cross the fingers and Pray!!
Goodbye student life for a while.
I know I will miss you, a bit.

The Right to Choose

A girl was so upset cause she just talked with her friend, who is not a close friend whose opinion wouldnt be significant at all for the girl, on a chatbox. She stunned cause of a statement made by her friend, him, to her that she dates her current boyfriend is simply because of nationality status and money, considering the fact that the boyfriend is quite settled already with his life. She even more couldnt believe that he assumed it based on rumor. She couldnt understand the rumor as she is not in poverty so in need of such benefits. And the most unbelievable part is that her friend courageously said it to her without any hesitation, straight forwardly, which is very very offensive.

And it was not the first time, prior to this he also made statement that he wouldnt be surprised if she convert to her former boyfriend's religion (by then she dated a guy believes in other religion). After a few questions, she knew that this assumption was based on the fact that sometimes she was so lazy to go to the church on sunday and prefered to have lazy day with her boyfriend. He even made a promise to not ever accompany her to go to the church anymore.

As a human being who always makes assumption based on uncertainty and lack of information, we make judgements about other people. Sometimes even we dont know the impact to the related person, even when we mean it good. For this issue, picking a boyfriend, i would say is really personal and sensitive. No one can ever tell the reason why this person date this person exactly other than those two persons themselves. Sometimes even we dont know the reason, we just like it, just want it.

If we can relate further it would be also about the right of choosing, just like in the national vote. A person can choose whoever he/she likes to be with them. And no one is eligible of judging a person based on his/her choice. People says this person couldnt date this person because this person just broke up with his girlfriend and he should wait a bit more, bla di bla di blah!! or this person is so bad because he dates a junkee widow. And those thousand other stories. Why dont we just mind our own business which is still needed to be done? and let other people happy and sad caused of their own choice?

This right of choosing could not only be applied on partner choosing but also in every part of life. Cause life is about choosing, why dont we respect other's choice?

I traveled far away, Came back home.From now on, where-ever i will be, the world will stay in my Mind.

I traveled far away, Came back home.
From now on, where-ever i will be, the world will stay in my Mind.
Wax Crayon on Paper

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The World in My Mind

By Justin Joseph

The world in my eyes,
Is something that never dies.

The river runs in its thundering flows,
Then settles in the sun as it glows.

In the mud there are eels,
And ants biting at my heels.

The grass tingling at my feet,
And the ground giving off its heat.

The birds singing in the trees,
Eating bugs like ticks and flees.

The wind blowing with a hiss,
Then touching the trees with a kiss.

With an earth in my hands,
I create new lands.

In my head that is.

Romain

Romain
Poster Color on Paper

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a very happy birthday, Dear.

A Man

A Man

Poster Colors on Paper

I Say Don't Count

People say 'The first is hurt' which reminds me my first weeks in Hong Kong where I am totally abroad. I was forced to share my room and sleep on a very hard bed with very hot and humid room temperature. I was forced to put more effort during classes, struggling to understand Hong Kong accent of my teachers. I was forced to do a lot of new things which I supposed not easy at all since I had no one to share with.

People say 'The more differences you have the closer you are'. When you are alone and no one is similar to you at all, you will definitely think like that, like me. You will not be picky anymore and you will simply be open to everything, to everybody. The interesting part would be the way you adapt with those people, with their culture, their way of thinking, their opinion, their thing. It is the time when you dont think about differences, but similarity. I experienced how one similarity bring you laughing the whole night. Beautiful.

People say 'Studying abroad should be the life time of your life'. Short but good. Personally speaking, I am so thankful that I chose Hong Kong (finally after some other weeks) which brought me to bunches of special persons, new experiences, and accidentally the new me. I can say anything about my time in Hong Kong but great!

People say 'Stop at the highest point, and get the best' cause after that highest point, the excitement level would significantly decrease. And if you decide not to stop at the highest point, which is translated as the best time of the time, you will end up not so exciting anymore with your life. And finally have bad memory about that particular time of your life.

People say 'Life is short' especially when you are happy and suddenly you are in the exam week already which happens to be the last weeks of your stay. And when people say that life is short they will continue with saying so make the best out of it which makes me think again, how can i make my last 3 weeks so damn great and memorable?

People say 'Dont count the time unless you wanna lose it'. Someone said 'Oh, two weeks more!!' and I said 'Just Dont count'.

People say 'The last is also hurt' but I dont want mine to be hurt. Just dont count for now, that will be fine....