May I Say Welcome.....

Well, well, well done! hahahhahha..... this is what i want, my own Customized Blog. This is kinda real for me that i could choose the design from this site, just simply grab the HTML code and type here a 'lil bit and there a 'lil bit, and in no moment (well, i lie, honestly it's gonna take you a whole damn day! hehe) tarraaaa....that's all! You probably will love doing this during your boring break.

After you have the skin (basic design) and then you can customize further your web blog, add a shout box ( i got from this site), add music video (this site; or probably you could see many more on friendster), add links to the other's blog or website or anything you want! Simply Exciting! In the same time, you are struggling to learn HTML, which is very tricky. I like it, but not too much! *lol

Yes, I am deleting my current blog on Friendster.

Okay, if so, may I say Welcome then?

what friends mean...

I am sitting here alone, and thinking what friends mean to me. I've been dealing with friendship for the whole of my life, i bet you have it as well, aite? though in the final you chose not to have friend and being alone. Let's mean the word of friend itself, i'm referring to me since i am the writer. For me, friends is someone in your life, it might be changed in every phase of your life, but it means something once (or forever). Friends is someone whom you can talk to freely, without any demands, any considerations, totally FREELY! Friends is someone who you will be afraid to lose them. When i wrote this, I am thinking about a few people who i can say my friend.

Back one and half year ago when i was about to go to Holland. I was desperately crying at the airport because i was about to leave something precious in my life, friend. When i finally arrived at Holland, again i was desperately sitting in my bunk bed because i couldnt talk to anybody, i felt like i lost my friend. Then of course i was thinking that i gotta find a new one, here in Hollands, yeah, that's how life goes aite. Fortunately i met people, i 'grew up' with them and desperately i am saying that up till now, i still have no friend (actually i got 1, but he is not my totally friend). I know i will let some people down, sorry.


Well, i could say probably the problem is me. I dont know i just cant be the same person as i was before. I am totally change, with no reason (as long as i know). I cant enjoy my friendship-life, i cant express myself well so the others wont perfectly understand me. I just cant...but believe i really want to.

It started to realize this situation about 3 months ago. I realized that i do feel alone here. If i have something to tell, about anything, about anything, about anything, i dont have any idea where should i go. I dont know, i just dont have a truly friend of mine, except he. Well, but sometimes you need someone except him to share the story about him, or just for any other suggestions and opinion. But no one could make me feel comfortable.

I started to be an individualist person, here. I eat my own pills and heal myself. I try to keep myself up so that any person could see me perfectly, everyday. Dont you think i am being like a lier!? But i can say nothing, until now, i have no idea what should i do, cause this is the main reason of all this problems. I am afraid of being myself in front of people and i still have no strength to change it. I am not happy with it.

Honestly, i have many many problems while dealing with people here, especially with particular people who have a bit (i prefer to say 'a bit') special relation with me. Maybe they dont realize this, but i never show who i am in front of them. Why? i just dont like to show 'me'. I cant be 'me' FREELY! in front of them. I dont belong with them, sorry.

Please help me, so that i could find myself that i had once.
I miss friends where i belong to.
I miss moments where i could express my words FREELY!.

I dedicate to Miranti
I miss you

a year of Tsunami

Do you still remember what was happening right a year ago, 26th December 2004. That morning, tsunami was sweeping anything when most of the people were in their sleep, without any warning. It destroyed several countries within Asia and Africa. There were buried the biggest fear, the loudest scream, the saddest lost of all. Yes, it was a pain.

I dedicate this writing to Indonesia, my home.

Eleven countries, including Indonesia, suffered devastation. Indonesia was the hardest hit by the tsunami. The tsunami was caused of 9.0 magnitude earthquake- the largest earthquake in 40 years- occurred in the Indian Ocean, off the Indonesia island, Sumatra. The earthquake triggered as the the deadliest earthquake in the world's history. More than 283,106 people have died from the disaster, a half a million have been injured, thousands still remain missing, and millions were left homeless.

Up till now, those affected countries have been given many helps from the world. They have started to rebuild their countries and they already have their result. In Indonesia, children are coming back to school, one in ten people are going back to work and one in five in their permanent house. Indonesia plans to have Aceh ready by 2007.

Back in year 70's, when Aceh was having a controversy with the government. Do you still remember GAM-Gerakan Aceh Merdeka or translated to Free Aceh Movement. There were many efforts put by Indonesian Government to have peace between both side, starting from Soeharto era. Start from Soeharto's DOM (Daerah Operasi Militer) up till SBY's aggrement in Helsinki.

People are having their own perspective and opinion about tsunami. But for the obvious reason, many people see tsunami as the deadliest natural disaster that took their family, house and everything. They see tsunami as something that destroyed the countries without any reason. But I can say like this for My sake, Look deeper. Look deeper what is the effect deside the destroyed land. Look deeper what the people of Aceh receive from the disaster.

As a matter of fact, tsunami gave a good influence at the peace of Aceh. A 30-year-old civil war was ended by tsunami. Aceh was sort of reset by God because of the unending able civil war. GAM handed their weapons and trade them with Indonesian army. Slow but sure, the peace is already there among Acehnese. There is no more people of GAM and ordinary people, there is only Acehnese. Everyone helps each other to build Aceh like it was before the tsunami, even better. They do not have different villages, different mosques, differents infrastuctures, because there are only few left. For comparison, there was 1000 peoples before each village, now there are only 100. They are united by their own suffering, reflects to what happened behind. They deserve the peace as a trade of their misery.

Constructed plans are implementing by Government's institution. They are building permanent houses to move people living in tents and barracks. They are planning to set Aceh the earliest by 2007, not only better by infrastructure, but also the people. They are setting up people who will always look forward. Aceh will be better in every aspects of their life. This is probably the best way to stop the problem surrounded Aceh, by destroying all and starting it all over again. Acehnese do have their bad memory, but they are being ready to start their new life with new spirit and be a better land.

People are living in this big world, with their family, job, and everything which make their life happy. At the same time, God, the biggest creature who owns this life, watches us. Many happening in our life, sometimes we even do not know what we are doing or what are going to happen. We never know what is happening until it happens. We know that there will be always a reason behind everything, but not anyone can see, even after it is happening. We can always look better if we look deeper, can't we??

The Power of a Thing Called WORD

I look into this picture and realize, this is the time when i need THEM the most

I didnt mean to be sensitive in this writing. It looks so cliche to write something like this (yes-i know). But now I am desperate and longing for a thing called family. Usually when you are in a distance with your family, by then you will recognize how precious they are.

cliche-feeling or sensitivity (mmm...call it whatever you like, please. But i know that you know what kind of feeling i'm talking about) That's why I am trying to say that it's not always great to feel like this, especially if you cant grab them in a while.

This is my feeling, you can freely reflect it as you. If you won't, you can always read it.

To be honest, I dont know why i will remember my family particularly when I am not feeling good. It could be when I'm broken heart, running out of money, alone, or call it when in trouble. And positively that's make me feel guilty. I feel terrible and ask to myself why dont I remember them when I am laughing, having much money, travelling somewhere, and the things that relates with JOY?? Although it is not absolutely like that. I dont know...

For the last two months, i've been in the trouble, i can say, it was a big trouble. Thank God that there was still someone helped me to live. During that time, i knew that my family, specially my mom and my middle-sister, were in the same big problem as mine because they wanted to help me. My mom almost called me every two days and asked how was i going. I understand why she did it, because that's the only thing that she could do. Why? because in this case, my mom couldnt tell my dad for asking his help, we knew that it would be more terrible if dad knew it. She kept calling me and pretended that everything would be okay, she kept supporting me for not being hopeless and keep struggling. In those moments, i felt that every single support that came from her mouth is the most precious word ever, EVER! She said that i shouldnt be affraid of any barrier that might be happened, she knew that it was just for a while. Those words made me powerful again, again and again, no matter how much i will fall.

Finally my father knew the problem. My mom told him. Suddenly, someday in the middle of the night, he called me and asked me how was i going. He asked me about the trouble and was i okay?? He said that he would help me and asked me for detailed information. After that conversation, he told me that he was on the way to bring my sister to her school. I recognized that it was 5 o'clock in the morning in Jakarta, and he had already on the way. He told me that my sister started her school again today after holiday, the traffic would be crowded if they didnt get earlier and they were almost late. He told me about the new car, that it was more comfortable, that the car was still in the good condition,, and so on,, and so on... For short he told me about all the things that i've already known about. And the conversation ended by my word, "Udah ya pak", because i couldnt stand my feeling and i cried and i didnt want my father to hear it.

Word is only a word. But there are two conditions that will make words so precious for the one who will hear it.

1. When the words is really important to you, and you got to remember it.
2. When the words is not important at all but it come from the people who you needed the most, in the exact time, place and condition. I didnt say that it could only be your family. It could be everyone. It could be from a blind person that you dont know who ask for your help to take him accross the road, and it was asked when you feel that no one need you in the world, by then you'll know that you are needed.

Women's Worth

I read a slide-article on International Herald Tibune last week about a tragic story of african women. These story was opening both of my eyes about the other world's life and how thankful I am for everything I have. I realise not everyone could be as lucky as I am, or you are....

CHIKUTU, MALAWI. Mapendo Simbeye's problems began early last year when the barren hills along Malawi's northern border with Tanzania rejected his attempts to grow even cassava, the hardiest crop of all. So to feed his wife and five children, he said, he went to his neighbor, Anderson Kalabo, and asked for a loan. Kalabo gave him 2,000 kwacha - about $16. The family was fed. But that created another problem: How could Simbeye, a penniless farmer, repay Kalabo?

The answer would positively shock most of you, but there, it is a custom. Simbeye sent his 11-years-old daughter to Kalabo's hut. There she became a servant for his first-wife and of course, Kalabo's new bed partner.

Now 12, Mwaka-Simbeye's daughter's name- said that she never knew that she meant to be Kalabo's second wife, a man who roughly three decades older than her. "I didn't know anything about marriage" she said. Mwaka ran away, and her parents took her back after six months. But a week's journey through Malawi's dry and mountainous north suggests her escape is the exception. In remote lands like this - where boys are valued far more than girls, older men prize young wives, fathers covet dowries and mothers are powerless to intervene - many African girls like Mwaka must leap straight from childhood to marriage at a word from their fathers, sometimes years before they reach puberty.

The consequences they face are: schooling cut, early pregnancies and hazardous births and in years exposure to HIV-AIDS. Studies show that the average of marriage age in Malawi remains among the world's lowest, and the percentage of adolescent mothers the world's highest.

There is a lot of talk, but the value of the girl child is still low," said Seodi White, Malawi's coordinator for the Women in Law in Southern Africa Research Trust. "Society still clings to the education of the boy, and sees the girl as a trading tool. In the north, girls as early as 10 are being traded off for the family to gain. After that, the women become owned and powerless in their husbands' villages."

Many choose misery over divorce because custom decrees that children in patriarchal tribes belong to the father. Uness Nyambi said she was betrothed as a child so her parents could finance her brother's choice of a bride. Now about 17, she has two children and a husband who guesses he is 70. "Just because of these two children, I cannot leave him," she said.

Beatrice Kitamula, 19, was forced to marry her wealthy neighbor, now 63, five years ago because her father owed another man a cow. "I was the sacrifice," she said.

Malawi government officials say they try hard to protect these girls. Legislation before Parliament would raise the minimum age for marriage to 18, the worldwide norm. Marriages of Malawian girls from 15 to 18 are now legal with the parents' consent. Women's rights advocates say they welcome the proposal, even though its effect would be limited because many marriages here, like much of the sub-Saharan region, take place under traditional customs, not civil law.

The government trained about 230 volunteers last year in ways to protect children, especially girls. Volunteers for Malawi's Human Rights Commission, Roman Catholic Church workers and police victim-protection units also try to intervene.

In Iponga, for example, Mbohesha Mbisa averted a forced marriage to her uncle at age 13 last year by walking to the local police station, where officers persuaded her father to drop his plans.

Still, Malawi officials say this region's growing poverty, worsened by AIDS and a recent crop-killing drought, has put even more young girls at risk of forced marriage. Their households can no longer pay for their daily needs.

Mwaka Simbeye has her fellow villagers in Chikutu to thank for her return to her parents' home after her sojourn in her neighbor's hut. Her father, Mapendo Simbeye, who repaid his $16 with Mwaka, said he took her back after hearing that the local police could arrest him. He said he underestimated her, adding, "My daughter is worth more than 2,000 kwacha." "I did it out of ignorance," he said. "I had five kids, no money and no food. Then Kalabo wanted the money back so I thought of selling the daughter. I didn't know I was abusing her."

What a tragic world... I can't say a word, I think you could conclude by yourself...