my baggy-jeans boy

I seriously do not want to be cliche or sentimental.

I'd just like to write something about him, as my deep appreciation to him.
My friend, my brother, my soul mate, my supporter.
My love.

It's been a year 8 months and 21 days.

White side:
I can say he's really good at self-marketing. I don't know whether such theory is exist or not. But he is. He can position himself perfectly. He smoothly transfers from one to another character whenever I need. He is my boyfriend when I need to be loved, he is my friend when I need to share, he is my supporter when I need a shoulder, he is my soul mate who give me some parts of mine that i miss, though I also admit that he is my rival and enemy during the hard days-the days before and after my menstruation period! I say he is also a good listener. He listens to me even when I don't wanna share. He listens with his hug. Though sometimes of course he's really tired of my silence and gets angry. The thing is not his talk is important, but it is his behaviours that make me impressed.

I feel really secured when he's around. It's like I wouldn't be hurt by anything. I think what I really meant by secured is truly being myself. I started my relationship with a friendship, so I don't hide anything from him. I say what I wanna say, I dress how I wanna dress, I do what I wanna do. It's a freedom that I get. I am trusted, and It is really something in a relationship. Our relationship. I learn from him how not to be jealous. I learn how to simply love someone without being complicated.

He's also one of the smartest persons I've ever met in my life. He grew up with encyclopedias and news. He is crazy about history-war thingies- especially World War II. He said that that is the best war of all time! He knows about everything-I mean my standard of everything. He knows things, which for me are not important at all. One day when we were in the diesel train on the way to Düsseldorf, he asked me "do you know why is this train run by diesel engine?". Oh my god! I was thinking why should i know? And then of course he explained it, and what I cant believe is that I was listening! The other day, we were on a sort of romantic situation on the ship deck. We were on a boat party heading to Nijmegen. That was perfect and sweet, because we almost never have this kind of situation in our relationship so far. So I thought, Okay! this is the time! Until.... we were on a little silent and he asked me "do you know what will happen if two boats face each other?". I just cant believe that! and i said "No, what will happen?". Then he described that each boat needs to turn to the right so they wont crash each other, and so on and so fort. His term of smart is not only concerning his knowledge but also about his ability in approaching people. He is not really nice if you know him from the first time, because you'll think he's kinda "sotoy" and "sok kenal", kind of bad ice-breaker. But soon as you know him better you'll see that he is a very interesting person. He talks much, about everything in your interest. I don't know how can he know people's interest. But he really said once that it is inded his strategy in approaching people. Interesting!

He counts every expense he has. Its good sometimes, but sometimes its just really tiring for me. He prefers to buy anything else but clothes! He prefers to have his clothes "imported" from Indonesia by his mom. Incredibly unreasonable! Because of the clothes were picked by his mom, of course it means kind of oldish style. Most of his clothes are polo shirts with particular chosen colors and patterns which make him somehow looks a bit older and formal than he should be. But he just doesn't care, he wears them anyway. One time his mom bought him "her style jeans", boot-cut jeans!! This of course doesn't match with either his personality or his preference of jeans- baggy jeans. He said to me that he won't ever wear the jeans because it is inconvenient. He feels really strange.

Well, you see that my boy is not a stylish person. He wears only something comfy for him, yeah, just like me. Simple and boring, jeans, polo shirt and t-shirt.

Well, its too long already. Not because its not worthwhile to write about him, but it's a blog not a book. I probably will spend the whole week to tell a story about him. But let me stop here and keep the rest for me.

It's just one part, the white side of him. Of course I will write the black side of him, why wont I? Then, I will keep you informed when I get the mood.

Say 'Never' to stereotypical drawing

Tonite I chatted with Aryo. As usual, that was an MEANINGLESS chatting about MEANINGLESS things. Finally we ended up drawing on yahoo doodle- One of YM's IMvironment which enables you to draw in the chatting box.

So, we drew.
Something of course...
MEANINGFUL!


Jepp, we drew it! The most stereotypical drawing of Indonesian children, age of 6-10. We drew perfectly like we did! the color, the setting, everything is perfect!

I really have no clue how could every Indonesian children must have had done this. Aryo said it is the teacher's fault who gives example of that kind of drawing. This sort of drawing has created mind-set of a perfect drawing! But as long as I can remember, I don't recall that any of my teachers taught me this kind of drawing.

Tell me you'd never done this!!!
I bet that you gotta be an extraordinary Indonesian kid.

Ibu Bernyawa 5

Beberapa minggu yang lalu saya mendengar cerita yang benar-benar membuat saya menangis. Ini tentang seorang ibu yang saya kenal dekat, namun panggil saja ia Ibu. Sudah beberapa tahun belakangan setelah keadaan ekonomi keluarganya menurun, pusat perbelanjaan keluaganya berpindah ke pasar tebet barat. Selain murah, relatif dekat dari rumah, dan disana sangat lengkap. Walaupun memang harus menahan panas dan sesak. Pada hari sang ibu pergi ke pasar tebet untuk membeli keperluan obat-obatan harian. Ia juga membeli obat disana, karena bisa ditawar dan kadang ada yang bisa dibeli setengah. Lalu ia tertarik pada sebuah lipstick pada saat melihat-lihat. Ia lihat lipstick itu beberapa saat, dicobanya ke punggung tangannya untuk melihat warnanya dan ia kembalikan ke si penjual, ia menyebutnya Uda. Ia sang pemilik toko kosmetik langganan si ibu. "Nanti deh yah da, liat-liat dulu" kata ibu.

Ia benar-benar ingin lipstick itu, entah karena memang butuh atau tertarik saja. Tapi menurutku itu adalah hal yang wajar karena toch ia adalah juga seorang wanita yang ingin tampil cantik. Lalu ia berpikir-pikir sambil berputar-putar pasar. Dan setelah beberapa lama, tak terasa ia telah memutari seluruh pasar lima kali. Dan ia memutuskan untuk pulang dan tidak jadi membeli lipstick itu. Ketika saya bertanya kepada adik saya yang menceritakan kisah ini kepada saya.

"Emang berapa harganya sih lipsticknya??"
"20 ribu". Hati saya terasa mau copot mendengarnya. Lalu apa sebabnya saya tanyakan lagi ke adik saya.
"Lah, kenapa ga dibeli terus?
"Soalnya 20 ribu bisa buat uang makan besok"

Serta merta perasaan campur aduk datang. Seumur hidup saya tidak pernah mendengar kisah seperti ini, apalagi tentang seseorang yang saya kenal baik. Ternyata memang susah sekali menjadi seorang ibu. Ia benar-benar tidak mempunyai satu hidup. Tapi 4 hidup lainnya, keluarganya. Milik anaknya yang pertama, milik anaknya yang kedua, milik anaknya yang ketiga, dan milik suaminya. Saya jadi menyadari bahwa saya harus siap untuk berpikir seperti itu juga nanti jika saya menjadi seorang ibu. Siap untuk mempunyai lebih dari satu hidup. Hidup untuk orang lain. Memang seorang ibu itu selalu mulia.

Only For Us

Someone asked Andy, my boyfriend,

"Do you have girlfriend?"
"Yeap!"

And spontanously another friend of mine reacted,

"Aaah, you'll never know that they are couple! They are just like an ordinary friend!"

hehehhehe....Yes we are.

Simply because we are couple only for ourself.
Something only we know.

This is the time called 'Tambal Sulam'

In my shared room, staring at my family potrait. I see smiles.
All I can say is let us cry, even for a second.
We have smiled for our life and now its the time to put our heads lower.
Life is indeed like a roller coaster.
If we could choose when we are down, i wouldn't choose this time.

I study communication, ironicly we can't communicate each other.
I ain't taught to say my feeling and prospective.
It seems that we have two controller leading to different directions.
Blaming each other.

I dont know anymore which would be better.
Laugh or Cry.
Now I'm just pretending that I'm okay.
Thou I always know that I'll be alright.
So will my family. They are all great person.

I know that this time would make me stronger.
And stronger. and stronger.
Three of us are not every girl.

I see my future. Just a few steps ahead.
I know I would be able to reach it, somehow, I dont know.
Yet I still need supports.
I will be the support for them, my sisters, my family.
I will pay it. Pay what they have given to me.

Staring at my family potrait.
I see hope.
I see future.